"...maybe we have to break everything, to make something better of ourselves."
So, why is it that you don't stop?
I love to not stop. To keep dreaming, to work harder, in fact hardest, not just mentally, but also physically, till I'm full of pain and scratches, till I've done justice to my definition of Everything.
I used to tell myself that the truth behind it is to run away, from those thoughts that make me want to kill myself, but this version is not as apt as the real one.
The real one?
Yes, the real one is happiness. Work makes me happy, I'm choosy of course, but I've known myself enough to now pick up the right set of things. I make others happy, this makes me happy.
Then why run away from some? ignore some? avoid some?
Choices. This path of happiness is very difficult to maintain. I have to choose the right ones that live along the same lines. This comes with a price. I think I pay for it.
Still caught up in the infinite hatred for yourself?
I have changed. Way too much. I love myself now. Took me a while to realize this though, but apart from you, I love me as much and a few more lovely people.
P.S.
Sometimes, we're a part of such a transition, that looking behind isn't an option anymore. I think I have all of you, to thank, for that. Thank you.
Wrath is not really worthy of love, in my opinion. Since I have been struggling with my own version of wrath, I feel myself simultaneously wanting to break away and hold on. The future seems so horribly uncertain and dark but the past is pretty much bleeding my heart every moment. Hah, back to the same old rants in hyperboles.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. Very relatable. And I admire the raw strength and love for oneself with colours it. :D
Wow, what a truly open and honest post... I understand that feeling ... it is really good to find things that make you happy and inspire you. I look for those things every day. since I look for them every day, I find them. I never want to stop looking. This was an incredibly beautiful post...
ReplyDeleteI love the way this flowed - I love the honest answers to the questions. I think being completely honest like that with ourselves is the only way to truly grow.
ReplyDeleteAnd every question was beautifully answered.Loving yourself is the best gift you can give to yourself. Acceptance.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the beautiful comment you left on my blog, I cried... in a good way, I am glad I sometimes inspire you... so many people have inspired me and I just want to share that as much as I can :)
ReplyDeleteI am going through one such transition phase.. a decision I took to find some peace and meaning in life. Beautiful words.
ReplyDeleteVery few can be so open with their emotions.... your honesty is admirable! :)
ReplyDeletewhen you learn to love yourself...it makes all the difference in the world....
ReplyDeletewrath...self hate...will eat you up and you will become what you fear
most about yourself....
Loving oneself is respecting oneself, the best one can give. Charity starts at home which is true. It can even trigger off events to improve and enhance oneself as a result. Wonderful write PA!
ReplyDeleteHank
Hank
I don't know how to find "true meaning" in life beyond just living it well, and defining my own incremental success at this or that rather than accepting criticism.
ReplyDeleteI'm too tired to be angry, and I constantly wish I could feel more than I do.
ReplyDelete/Avy
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♥
Relationships can cause so much turmoil. Hope you find your complete and happiest balance!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post! Great message, Stuti :)
ReplyDeleteKeep blogging!
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Synchro !!
ReplyDelete